Macrolog
Long Distance Blues
This is going to be somewhat of a personal piece, but I need to get this off my chest so please, indulge me this once.
I am involved in what is generally termed a long distance relationship. And it’s great. I’m hopelessly in love. I haven’t been around for long on this mortal coil, but she is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. She is—without a shadow of a doubt—beyond my wildest dreams, and I count my lucky stars every day.
So, as you can imagine, there are no problems with the relationship part of the equation. The long distance part, however, throws up some challenges, the most unsettling of which for me is the communication factor. Our primary channel of communication has been the Internet, you see, but for the last few weeks she has been offline due to an unfortunate computer mishap. (Note to self: modems and lightning strikes don’t mix.)
Now that hasn’t severed all lines completely. Actual telephone calls are horrendously expensive for anything longer than a few minutes, but her mobile phone network allows text messaging to mine (though not vice versa) and I can reply via her network’s website. Even just a sentence a day from her fills me with untold joy, more than she probably knows. I thought I was content before I met her, but now I have the potential to be truly happy.
However technology is a fickle servant at best. For the last few days the website message service hasn’t been passing on my texts, and I haven’t gotten anything from her either. It’s at times like this when my paranoia kicks in.
And I hate myself for it because no matter how lucky I feel to be a part of her life and have her as a part of mine, no matter how much I love her and understand the problems of such a relationship, no matter how irrational such paranoid feelings are, it hurts. And it hurts a lot. And it hurts most of all because I can’t share it with her. And the reason I can’t is the cause of the hurt in the first place.
And no matter how much I try to reason with myself, I know that I’m not going to feel myself again until—however clingy and possessive I might seem—I take a deep breath and try to get in touch with her once, twice, umpteen times more.
Mon 17 Feb 2003 at 23:35 ·
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This is the personal website of MacDara Conroy, a twenty-something journalist, editor and all-round creative type living in Dublin, Ireland.
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You are reading Long Distance Blues, a Macrolog entry by MacDara Conroy. It is filed under Journal, and was published in February 2003.
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