Macrolog
Friday Five #56
1. If your life were a movie, what would the title be?
I was thinking It’s Not Easy Being Me: The M. Ellis Conroy Story. But on second thoughts, that’s a bit too movie-of-the-week-ish, dontcha think?
Okay, howsabout Being MacDara Conroy? Too derivative, eh?
Oh well. Any suggestions are welcome. (Just don’t expect a production credit, ‘kay?)
2. What songs would be on the soundtrack?
This is a tough one. It would have to be at least a double CD, maybe even a box set. As such, to write out a full track-listing here would be far too time consuming. But suffice to say that no soundtrack of my life as a movie could go without those 80’s classics Danger Zone (Kenny Loggins rocks my socks), Maneater (gotsta have some Hall & Oates), Waiting For a Star to Fall (love that sax solo!), and of course, My Name is Luka (I live on the second floooooor!!). (Alternatively, I could just get a bunch of obscure underground rock bands to chip in some songs, with some incidental scoring by John Zorn to fill it out. The hipsters will love it, for sure.)
3. Would it be a live-action film or animated? Why?
I’m thinking live-action, but some stop-motion animation will be necessary to recreate my battle with that dastardly ED-209. You must remember that one — I ran down the stairs, it tripped trying to follow me, and I saved the world once again… What do you mean that never happened? Are you sure? That was Robocop? Oh.
4. Casting: who would play you, members of your family, friends, etc?
For the lucrative part of myself, I believe that not one, but three actors would be necessary to convincingly essay my character throughout the various stages of my life: I’m thinking Philip Seymour Hoffman (early years), Jeff Bridges (middle years), and to cap it off, the great Gene Hackman. Meanwhile, all of my friends and family would be portrayed — in a tour-de-force, Oscar-worthy performance — by the incomperable Luis Guzman, utilising a variety of costumes, disguises and make-up effects. And John Malkovich will assume the role of my arch nemesis, Doctor Doom… wait, that wasn’t me either, was it? Darn.
5. Describe the movie preview/trailer.
The scene: a blank screen in almost total darkness, viewed from afar… a solitary figure, a male, enters the frame from the right, moving along the bottom of the screen, trailed by a spotlight as he walks… there is total silence apart from the echoing sound of his footsteps… the figure stops at the centre of the screen… a microphone appears before him… he taps it once, twice; the boom reverberates… he is carrying some papers; he lifts them up before the microphone, ruffles them in his hands, clears his throat…. he takes a deep breath…. and then…. the whole screen lights up to show the solitary figure on stage, dwarfed by the gigantic monochrome head-shot of me (yes, me!) on the screen behind him…. suddenly the camera crash-zooms in on the face of the solitary figure — it’s Gene Hackman, playing me! He gives a wry smile and says “Ladies and gentlemen, let the show begin”…
And that’s it. Don’t wanna give too much away, now; you know what trailers are like these days.
Fri 25 Jul 2003 at 18:12 ·
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This is the personal website of MacDara Conroy, a twenty-something journalist, editor and all-round creative type living in Dublin, Ireland.
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You are reading Friday Five #56, a Macrolog entry by MacDara Conroy. It is filed under Memes, and was published in July 2003.
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