Macrolog
House Porn
Whilst reading the MediaGuardian supplement on Monday afternoon I was shocked to discover that the new head of Channel 4 is planning to cancel one of my favourite shows, Fifteen to One.
For those of you who are unaware, Fifteen to One happens to be, in my humble opinion, the greatest general knowledge quiz show in the history of television. It is a beacon of light amidst an ocean of mediocrity, and yet the new Channel 4 boss Mark Thompson is conspiring to remove it from its rightful place in the weekday afternoon schedules to make room, most likely, for programming representative of that most loathsome of contemporary television genres: I’m talking about house porn.
Yes, house porn; where television shows about other people’s homes and gardens seem to have propagated a new religion, one of soulless aesthetics and blatant materialism. House porn.
Day after day, if it isn’t living room makeovers and garden landscaping, it’s hour-long infomercials for architects and estate agents. And the schedules are full of it — this week alone, at least thirteen hours of programming on British terrestrial television is dedicated to barely-differing variations of house porn (and please note, that’s not counting digital satellite or cable channels, or the endless repeats of Cribs on MTV, which would likely triple this figure, at least).
I remember when house porn wasn’t such an endemic nuisance. When I was a lad I enjoyed shows like Through the Keyhole (with Lloyd “Who lives in a house like this?” Grossman) as much as the next person. At least there was some sort of logic to it.
But then Changing Rooms came along, and ruined it for everyone. Suddenly gardening and DIY became prime-time material (much to the delight of hardware superstores, garden centres and builders suppliers everywhere, I would imagine) and competing channels scrambled to outdo each other in the home renovation stakes. Night after night of nameless, faceless mugs staring back at us through the TV screen as so-called interior designers prance about gaily with paint rollers and masking tape.
Andy Warhol would be pleased, I guess. But I’m not.
It’s time for and end to this pornographic portrayal of property on prime-time TV before other, much more worthy programming gets washed away in its wake. At present I still have University Challenge to fulfil my general knowledge quotient; yet at the rate things are going, for how much longer?
Sun 21 Sep 2003 at 22:41 ·
Comments (4 responses)
Comments are closed or not available for this entry. If you still wish to make a comment you can , citing this entry in the subject line.
Posted by Grover
Tue 23 Sep 2003
at 19:20
I actually enjoy watching house porn. I think the whole appeal about it is the fact that its concerning real people, but they do have a lifespan, as after a few series they do tend to become more and more generic. The “gay prancing” I especially enjoy :) But I agree that Fifteen to One was quite entertaining at times. But seriously, did many people actually watch it??
Posted by eoin
Wed 24 Sep 2003
at 19:07
no way grover. shows about real people suck. the way of the future is shows about pirates, cops who play by their own rules, and gay robots, which reminds me, you should dress up as c3po for halloween
Posted by eoin
Fri 26 Sep 2003
at 00:23
hey mac, too lazy to email you, so i’ll just leave you a note. finally got that website sorted if you wanna look at it - its www.fairverona.com, you can listen to a few mp3 samples of them if you like…
Posted by piglet
Fri 26 Sep 2003
at 12:31
oi! changing rooms and debbie travis and things like that… they rule dude!
About
This is the personal website of MacDara Conroy, a twenty-something journalist, editor and all-round creative type living in Dublin, Ireland.
Read more.
Details
You are reading House Porn, a Macrolog entry by MacDara Conroy. It is filed under Film & Television, and was published in September 2003.
Tags: (This page has not yet been tagged.)
Continuum
↑ Fri 26 Sep 2003 at 20:08
→ Sun 21 Sep 2003 at 22:41
↓ Fri 19 Sep 2003 at 18:46