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Death Rage Speed Freak Extreme Biker Killaz

With the recent Stateside release of Jet Li star vehicle Cradle 2 The Grave, The San Francisco Chronicle’s Mark Morford despairs at the state of the modern film industry (from the Morning Fix, 03/03/03):

A new upcoming film, “Death Rage Speed Freak Extreme Biker Killaz III,” will feature martial arts, hardcore rap, bitchin’ street racing, extreme snowboarding, really fast motorcycles, sharks attacks, nail guns, and many shots where the angry-lookin’ hero guy spins in the air like, twenty seven times while swallowing a stream of machine gun bullets and then shoots them back out his penis in the general direction of the ugly bad guys, who, being mutant robot demons dressed like savage clowns in drag, will just laugh and then speed off in their totally bitchin’ tricked-out M3 BMWs, which will then explode on a rain-slicked nighttime LA street for no apparent reason.

Now, call me dumb if you wish, but that sounds like a movie I’d rather enjoy.